Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize