laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
