hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
