I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
