Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
