Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In other news, I just burned my penis
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
