The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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