you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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