i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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