I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
