WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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