Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I believe in your delicious
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
