oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
