I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize