i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize