Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
