nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
