the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
