I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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