Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
