this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Panties = found
Randomize
