I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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