You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
