Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm jealous of your bromance
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
