if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
