She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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