i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
