better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
