bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
