I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
