...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
