if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
