IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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