if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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