I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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