Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize