We're like a lot better than the average bears
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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