You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
