There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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