what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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