pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
