: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
