You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
