david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
