I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
