Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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