his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
