the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
