there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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