Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
