im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize