Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
