Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
