i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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