She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
