I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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