You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
