He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
