I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
