The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
