Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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