What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
