My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
