i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
