Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
