I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
false alarm. still invincible.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm getting married
To pizza
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
