Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
